Upcoming Mother’s day has got me thinking about the type of mum I am.

You see, I’m the type of mum who feels deep empathy with my children. Whatever troubles them, troubles me, whatever brings them joy, brings me joy…DEEPLY.

And their troubles, THEY GET ME BAD.

I’ve no doubt it’s because I live with anxiety, because I’m an empath, a highly sensitive mum… just like my mum.

I marvel and admire those mums who remain strong and stoic in the face of their kids adversities. That’s not to say they don’t care, no not at all, it’s just a whole different vibration.

All the while I’m crying, suffering, solving, waking in the middle of the night, feeling my kid’s pain and imagining them feeling their pain.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for this gift of experiencing life, and all it has to offer in this heightened state.

But it ain’t easy.

Especially those times when everything seems to comes at once. That’s when life feels like it’s going to break me, just like it did before.

But these days, life doesn’t break me. I pick myself up everytime.

Which got me thinking about why and how I do this now?

The answer was right there. It was nothing profound.

But it made me see myself, and all the things I do, to keep me stable and able to cope with life’s challenges and realities.

The little habits and rituals, non-negotiables, my little self-care box which helps me cope with life, in light of who I AM and how I vibrate as a person.

These rituals help me cope with those sleepless nights, to show up most days with a smile on my face, to find the strength to allow my children some space to unravel the complexities of life and build resilience.

So I thought I’d write a little poem to myself this Mother’s Day, acknowledging all those things I do, which help me show up each day in the best way I can.

THANK YOU ME

Thank you nature, you give me so much – your healing sun, fresh air, silence, reflection and earthing all uplift my soul keeping me grounded and centred

Thank you body for moving daily, exercising, keeping me strong and releasing my happy hormones

Thank you food for flooding my body with goodness with every bite and sip, cleansing and detoxifying, nourishing and healing

Thank you me for not trying to do it all, knowing all too well that burnout is at bay

Thank you work for fulfilling my soul and connecting me to my purpose each day

Thank you friends for the dinner catch ups, the laughs, love and cocktails recharge me

Thank you me for creating solitude and space which I desperately need to replenish and refresh my soul

Thank you breath for slowing me down, bringing me back to the moment, keeping me alive, I’d be totally lost without you

Thank you family for your uncondtional love, trust and forgiveness, snuggles, kisses, pure joy and everything you teach me

Thank you healers for keeping me balanced and in touch with the inner workings and needs of my body

Thank you me for striving to be the best mum you can be, ever evolving, changing, growing and loving

Happy Mother’s day mums.  I know motherhood can be such a struggle for so many. Perhaps the best gift you could give yourself for Sunday is a little thank you acknowledgement too.

I’d LOVE to hear the things you can thank yourself for, please go ahead and write to me in the comments.

Bren x

A large part of that in modern society relates to body image – helping our little girls feel confident and worthwhile in their own skin. Women always seem to be under pressure to look their best, and quite often the ideal presented by airbrushed magazine models is potentially dangerous to how we view ourselves (and our heath). Our girls need to know the reality.

From a very young age girls are exposed to music videos, fashion magazines, Barbie dolls, advertising and TV shows that focus on appearance. The ideal image the media bombards us with is the skinny supermodel or actress, who’s image has most likely been manipulated to within an inch of it’s life. My fear is that this creates the unnecessary expectation of body image, setting them up for disappointment, low self-esteem, or even depression and eating disorders. In other words, failure by someone else’s rules.

But make no mistake, we are our little girls most important role models. They are listening when we talk about our (and other’s) bodies. They notice when we diet and how often we do so,  and this will become their reality too…

Our daughters need to know that true beauty lies within, and that they are respected and loved by their family and friends for who they are, not how they look.

My mother was very focused on her appearance, and knew that Dad liked his women skinny. I don’t recall specific negative self-talk about her body, but she seemed to be perpetually on a diet and certainly appearance was a hot topic on everyone’s lips at get-togethers. It’s a habit even amongst my own peer groups today, to the point where it’s almost a ‘conversation-padder’ like the weather. It wasn’t long before I was on the Weight Watchers bandwagon, beginning the diet merry-go-round which included diet pills at one point as appetite suppressors.

In my own home we don’t talk about our bodies in context of weight or shape. Rather, our bodies are strong, flexible or fit, and we like to explain how ‘moving our bodies’ makes us feel healthy and happy. It’s all about body function in our household, and proper nutrition and exercise takes care of that. We also don’t keep any scales, fashion magazines, watch video clips or the like around the house. However, Amercian sit coms are worryingly entering our zone, so it’s time to be vigilant!

As much as I try to protect my own daughter from this sort of exposure, this is the real world. The best I can do is to instill the values that I think will build a resilient woman who is confident and happy in herself.

Some tips:

– communication is crucial- explain how photos are manipulated, and why

– avoid emotive descriptions such as ‘fat’ or ‘thin’ and emphasise the benefits of a nutritious diet and exercise regimen for positive well being

– teach our girls to appreciate what our bodies can do, not just how they look

– focus on other factors other than appearance – effort, skill, positive personality traits and achievements

– draw attention to inspiring role models

– explain how sports and exercise clear the mind, and reduce stress and anxiety and highlight the good feelings produced after exercise and when eating a
nutritious diet

– explain how sport and recreation connects you with nature (surfing, rock climbing), or how Nippers (surf life saving) gives you confidence and skills, while connecting you to your community

Above all, I want to be a positive role model for my daughter, and I am in the best place to do it! My 8yr old knows I am passionate about healthy food and exercise, but she doesn’t even imagine it is born of wanting my body to look a certain way. She knows it’s because I want to feel a certain way – healthy!

I have worked hard throughout life on acceptance and self love, and finally in my 40’s I have not dieted in years! It’s funny in a way that the process of eating properly gives you the results that dieters search for, the difference being that one is sustainable as a way of life, and the other is temporary.

I am healthy and happy, and I hope that’s how my daughter will be, not just in her 40’s, but from today onward.

Bren x

It is a commonly held belief that our bodies and minds are two very separate entities, functioning independently of each other. This is unfortunate, as well as being counterproductive to good, holistic health because it could not be further from the truth. In reality, our bodies and our minds are closely linked and are very much co-dependent.

As an experienced clinical psychologist, I have spent many years helping people manage any mental health issues they may face. I have always emphasised to my clients that a healthy mind cannot be achieved without a healthy body, but it wasn’t until I began my own journey into truly healthy eating that I realised just how important it was. It was at this point I realised that purely addressing mental health issues is a limiting exercise.

By way of example, bring to mind an event from your life that has a strong emotion attached to it – it could be anxiety, sadness, joy, anger – now hold that image in your mind and tune into the sensations within your body. Now notice where that emotion exists in your body and how it feels.

Emotions do not exist only in our minds, they live in our bodies. Anxiety, depression, anger, trauma, they all reside in our bodies and it is usually the sensations within our body that are the most distressing parts of these experiences. Think of common phrases we use to describe emotional experiences – ‘gut wrenching’, ‘broken hearted’, ‘like a weight being lifted off my shoulders’ – they all describe sensations within our bodies.

When we aim for overall wellbeing, we need to consider both physical and mental health. You can’t have one without the other. If we are trying to manage and heal mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, even bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, we will be most successful if we combine some form of therapy (always with someone registered, qualified and suited to your individual needs) with a diet that ensures our bodies are well nourished and functioning optimally (and yes, therapy may include medication).

Poor nutrition and consuming additive-laden processed ‘foods’ (though some barely warrant that description) add an extra burden to our bodies that are already struggling to cope with the issues that we are dealing with. These food choices can contribute to lethargy, insomnia, anxiety, mood problems, headaches and hyperactivity, to name just a few. In short, building from a shaky base is counter-productive, and unlikely to produce best results.

When we choose unprocessed wholefoods, good quality fruit, vegetables, proteins and healthy fats (coconut oil, olive oil, avocado etc) our bodies and brains are comprehensively nourished. It’s no surprise, then, that they function better, which improves our sleep, our immune system, our energy levels, and ability to cope more readily with anger, anxiety or stress.

We can be proactive with our own mental health by controlling what we put into our bodies and noticing how it makes us feel (energetic, focused, anxious, lethargic). We can certainly observe the behavioural changes in our children based on what they have eaten, while recognising that their formative years are crucial to their future physical and mental well being. We need to make sure they are equipped with the solid foundations of health that give them the best opportunity at a long and enjoyable life.

Irrespective of our past diets, upbringing and experiences, we need to recognise there is a lot we can be doing immediately to ensure that our minds and bodies, and those of our children, are working as nature intended – cohesively rather than combatively.

 Monique Phipps is a Clinical Psychologist with 13 years experience and a mum of 3 young children. Her family eat an additive free, wholefood diet.

You can connect with her on her Facebook Page and blog.