My husband and I definitely want them to have every opportunity to experience new things, and to enjoy the things they love to do, especially with their friends. But, we live in such a busy world and sometimes we feel like they are slipping away just a bit too much, just a bit too soon. That somehow in all the craziness of life the most important thing has been overlooked. FAMILY TIME.

The reality is that in our busy, stressed-out lives, our primal parenting instincts have been dampened, and we need to re-awaken them. According to physician, author and childhood development expert, Dr Gabriel Mate,

“For the first time in human history children are more influenced by their peers than by adults in their lives. And developmentally that’s a disaster.”

I don’t need to tell anyone how to attach to their kids, it’s our natural instinct.

But somehow, in so many ways, we are less and less available to our kids and we have lost sight of how important attachment actually is, leading them to looking elsewhere for attachment, usually their peer groups. Our kids need someone to connect with, ideally their family, and continue to need to stay attached right up until they turn into adults and especially through the tumultuous teenage years.

For my family, as much as we can, we connect by eating meals together, but hubby works long hours and often can’t join us. Then there’s homework, after school and weekend sports, hanging with friends and social activities and suddenly we have lost sight of when we were last all together, just us. But TIME is the one thing we need to build deep family connections, for bonding, attachment and sharing experiences we all love.

So when I announced last weekend that we would be having a FAMILY DAY, the teenager grumbled and gave me the bottom lip ‘cause he was invited to meet his mates for a round of golf (again). Part of me felt bad for holding him back (even though he’d just played the previous day), and whilst I almost waivered #mothersguilt, I stayed strong, knowing deep in my heart what was best.

Perhaps one of the most challenging part of having adolescents is finding opportunities to spend time with them and finding things to do that everyone will enjoy. We ended up going on a lovely, long walk through the Malabar Headlands, visiting the grandparents, and once home we all hopped into the kitchen for a two hour cooking session!

Did the kids bicker? As if I need to answer that!

Was the day perfect? Off course not!

Did we all still love the day? Absolutely!

And we all felt the beautiful deepening of our family bond.

Bren x

Simone is a veritable encyclopaedia on all things to do with fussy eaters, and in our expert interview for THE FUSSY EATING BUNDLE, she shares some very insightful and extremely helpful effective strategies to combat fussy eating.

I’m so thrilled to have her on the blog sharing some of her expertise here for you all as well.

Family Meals and Fussy Eating- Guest Post by Simone Emery from Play with Food.

First thing first, I want to thank Brenda for having me here today! I love Brenda’s honest approach to health and wellbeing for the entire family.

Here’s a quick and succinct guest post all about conquering fussy eating stages with your child. My experience and studies in children’s feeding almost make it too hard for me to quickly tell you in a nut shell what to do about fussy eating. However, I can endorse one tool that is essential to get you on track, the family meal.

To effectively have a family meal we need to clearly set up a definition for it.

A family meal does not mean an elaborate roast joint with a million vegetable-laden side dishes, a painstakingly crafted dessert and everyone you are related to over 4 generations sitting down and eating together.

It can simply be just 2 people (you and a child) having a toasted sandwich together at the table.

I consider that the majority of my meals with my kids are family meals. Even if we only sit together on a picnic rug at the park to have a yoghurt that is still a family meal. Your role at the family meal is to be the provider but your children have control over pretty much everything else from the toddler years going forward – how much they eat, what they eat, how they clean themselves, how they motor plan getting the food into their own mouth. Yes, you provide it all but try and let them control it.

A family can, by understanding and playing out their roles effectively in family meals, raise children to be competent, healthy and joyful eaters.

If your child is particularly fussy with a smell, texture, temperature, sound, colour or any other visual aspect of a food increasing their exposure to it via the family meal will help you iron out the root cause.

Here are my tips for holding a successful family meal that appeals to even the fussiest of kids.

Engage the child in some movement before the meal to help them organise or reset themselves.

• Everyone should sit with a 90 degree angle at the hips, knees and ankles. (Special chairs, foot rests or booster seats may be required).
• Decide on the environmental cues that will help your child concentrate on eating (eg. turn TV off, sit in a well-lit area, use a familiar placemat).
• Family style meal serves where everyone takes something from each plate provided – they can put it on their plate or onto their learning plate. Do this instead of plating up for the child in advance. It also saves on waste!
• Try to offer a preferred food, a carbohydrate, a dairy, a fruit, a vegetable and a protein.
• Use this time as a great chance to connect with your children. Eat with purpose and concentration.

Want to raise healthy eaters who eat a wide variety of food? Grab The Fussy Eating Bundle for just $49 by midnight 31st July Sydney time and get your  5 Amazing Bonuses for FREE! FIND OUT MORE HERE.

Simone is a mother of 2 little girls and lives in Sydney. She runs Play with Food. Play with Food offer food experiences to children and their families that aim to delight the taste buds and imagination. Her aim in these is to help families have happy mealtimes. Get her guide “The ABC’s to happier and healthier family meals” via her website.

For our bodies and minds to function properly, the fuel we put into our bodies needs to be of the high-octane whole food and nutrient-dense variety, rather than the processed, packaged kind.

But there is far, far more to food than simply eating the stuff!

Using the ritual of meal time to bond as a family is one of the great joys of being a parent.

It’s that little window during the day (usually at the end) where the family as a unit is gathered in one place, and generally with undivided attention (hint: turn the TV off for best results). And when you can make yourself heard over some of the weird and wonderful snuffling, snorting noises that generally accompany kids and food, you can actually have a decent conversation. Maybe even find out a bit of ‘the goss’…

But more than that, it’s a time where subtle lessons can be taught and learned, and where the kids can find and appreciate themselves and others.

Here are some of the wonderful benefits of a simple, but regular, family meal time:

Family Time

Quality family interaction is so underrated! And can actually be a lot of fun (granted, not always).

Life’s busy, we all appreciate that, but a little bit of ritual doesn’t go astray. So sit down at a regular time, have a laugh and a joke, and have chat about what’s going on in each other’s lives (try not to lecture your kids about what they aren’t choosing not to eat). This sort of regularity forms strong bonds, strand by strand.

The routine of making time for each other also offers the opportunity to set an example and teach kids subtle lessons or life skills with undivided attention – about food, about manners, about connection, or just everyday issues.

Building Self Esteem

Being heard breeds confidence and self worth within a child. They intuitively understand they are valued for their conversation, thoughts and opinions, and by the very people who love them the most. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children.

This type of validation is more likely to encourage and equip them to speak more often in class and/or group situations.

Improved Linguistic Skills

Talking is a rather specific skill, believe it or not. When a child is allowed the space to really converse and express themselves, it helps them to develop their speech, vocabulary and conversational skills, build complex arguments and support their case fluently, and to organise their thoughts on the run.

Growing up with ethnic family and friends, it never ceased to amaze me how we could converse in our ethnic tongue so fluently and expressively, even if we couldn’t read it or write it. That was school’s job.

Language and Vocabulary Development

Language development, including slang and the common usage of words in their proper context helps to expand vocabulary, particularly of food & kitchen-related items (which is also a great benefit of letting children help in the kitchen). For younger children, saying a word as you engage in an action (like stirring or cutting) helps enhance their ability to infer.

Listening Skills

How many of us are good at this? I mean, truly? All of us need work in this area I would imagine, so why not expose the kids to this virtuous trait early on? Yeah, I know, it’s possibly harder than programming a Space Shuttle for NASA, especially when the little foghorns hit the volume, but we can only try.

Learning how to listen is an enormously beneficial cognitive tool, helping kids follow and engage in conversations as they extract and exchange important and/or interesting information. They learn the commonly accepted (or not, in some cases!) values of politely talking in turn and not interrupting excessively.

I’ll bet most people haven’t really thought about all these aspects of a simple family meal. And it’s not over thinking it either – all of these benefits happen daily to various degrees .So take advantage of meal times. While you’re busy having a bit of fun, you can also be mindful that your example and counsel spread out over the years actually mean something.

Do you have any rituals in your family? I’d love to hear from you.

Bren x