Are they exhausted, getting sick, falling apart, over it! It’s such a tough time of year.

Last week my daughter woke up, practically slept walk out of her room with big bags under her eyes and for the first time ever asked if she could have a day off school.

She told me later that day that she was surprised that I agreed to her taking a “wellbeing day” but I explained that I could see that she desperately needed that day, a day away from addition and subtraction, all the noise and school yard politics…

She stayed home and played the piano, watched her favourite shows, ate her favourite food, read books and lazed about all day. By the time evening rolled around she was herself again, pepped up and ready for her nippers training session.

I had given my daughter permission to relax every fibre of her being and, in doing so, reclaim her fight.

And that’s something I’ve found about self-care, we often need someone else to jump-start it for us.

Giving ourselves permission — to rest, to recharge, to realize self-indulgence isn’t actually self-indulgent at all.

This is a concept I know is especially hard for women.

We ALL need to remember to exhale….we’re all pushed to do too much, we all need a break. Kids and parents alike.

We don’t want our kids to learn from us that they have to work their butts of all the time until they burn out. We want them to tune in to what they really need and grant themselves permission to take a break.

As busy mums though, how do we take time out when we don’t seem to have five minutes to ourselves from sunrise to sunset?

Let me ask you an important question.

Has your busy-ness become the thing that defines you? Has it become a badge of honour?

Our culture has decided that we need to be Wonder Women and so we believe that being busy is what makes us worthy.

We need to SHAKE THIS IDEA OFF!

Because while we remain slaves to our to-do lists and exist in get-it-done mode, we are forgetting to live a meaningful and healthy life meant to be enjoyed.

How do I shake it off though Brenda? Who’s going to get it all done for me?

Well, I suggest you take a good look at your to-do list and make some honest decisions about what’s really non-negotiable and what you can say bye-bye to. Eg: Do you really need to organise those birthday photos into a special album? Or go to that event if no one is going to get hurt by your absence?

And/or..

Find some support in the areas you feel like you could use some help, then decide who you can ask to support you in those areas. Eg: My mum comes over once every fortnight and I never say no to her bringing food for my family which usually lasts a couple days and creates some much needed time and space. Say YES to help!

I’d also love to invite you to join my FREE LIVE WORKSHOP which I host with Naturopath Naomi Judge on what we consider to be the most important topic when it comes to Women’s health and wellbeing – and that’s the importance of self care.

After all, having too little rest is a major contributor to expanding that waistline, IBS, gas, bloating, headaches, depression, heart problems, decreased sex drive ……

WHY YOU NEED TO LEAVE GUILT AT THE DOOR AND EMBRACE SELF-CARE
Learn to love, nourish and respect yourself with these 5 smart habits

In this workshop we explore: 

• Where this guilt comes from and why we feel it (so important to recognise this so you can move on).
• How lack of self-care creates stress and some serious health issues you shouldn’t ignore.
• How you can get clear on a specific, urgent WHY, your sense of purpose, your capacity to fulfil your mission and do what brings you joy.
• The telltale signs of stress (it’s not necessarily what you may think!).
• 5 easy ways to create sustainability and resilience in your life so you don’t become ill and burn out (this is gold!).
• Plus there’s a Q & A with us at the end.

Please share this workshop with your friends, I have a sneaking suspicion they’ll be thanking you later!

Bren x

Grab your FREE copy of my 'CALM YOUR CORTISOL' recipe book to soothe your cortisol and start your journey to high energy, fast metabolism, and feeling like yourself again!

She had even chosen a topic that had been dear to his heart at the same age – dinosaurs!

Back then, as he had narrated many a time to a spellbound young girl thirsty for knowledge, he loved dinosaurs so much he had wanted to become an archaeologist. His sister even wanted to be a ‘digger lady’ to help him uncover the treasures buried by the sands of time.

Dinosaurs were it. Huge and ferocious, old and mysterious, and some a little dopey (like the Stegosaurus, or modern-day ‘Brother-o-saurus’). Daddy’s pipe cleaner versions of skeletons of ancient monsters such as Triceratops and T-Rex were famous (within the household, alas …), and they were sure to bring gasps of wonder from the assembled throng of Year Twos.

That was until Daddy was called upon unexpectedly to rescue Mr 9’s cricket practice  – cricket practice! – from the work commitments that had enveloped other fathers like the tentacles of a corporate squid.

Daddy wouldn’t be able to fulfil his promise that day, and no explanation of the needs of the many outweighing the needs of the few was going to cut it. Nor was the idea that we still had the weekend. Kids live in the now, and this was NOW!

As Daddy trudged off with a heavy heart, Mrs Chopped Liver (me) had some thinking to do. I knew that the art of distraction was a time honoured technique that was almost guaranteed results, but sometimes the transformation of a child’s mind from heart-set plans to a new activity wasn’t complete without a little more mental manouvering. Anything less than full focus on my part was fraught with danger, and I wanted to avoid Miss 7-osaurus turning the house into Jurassic Park.

And that’s when inspiration hit.

Spending time with the kids has been my developing mantra for next year, but starting now. However, while quality time and complete focus is one aspect of this (and rich with double-sided rewards), I remembered another technique we had used in the past, which worked beautifully, but which, as all parents know, can get blindsided by life’s demands like any good intention.

Child-centred play is a step up again from a parent giving their child full and undivided attention. The idea is not to ‘instruct’ the child, but to have them direct the play (or activity) completely for periods of 10-30 minutes.

This is harder than it sounds, because there are times when you either don’t feel like partaking in a particular activity, but have to run with it (watching my husband play along with craft-based play is a comedy all of its own). Even more difficult is catching your ‘helpful suggestions’ before they escape from your lips. Zip it! They’re running the show.

While my episode was an impromptu one, the best way to engage in child-directed play is to set a time for it, daily or otherwise. It can be surprisingly difficult to slot in regularly, but just watch them naturally fit into a timetable and crave it! In this way, you are giving your child positive and good-quality attention when you are able, making them less likely to demand it when you can’t.

It’s about stimulating the child’s creativity, sense of autonomy, leadership and teamwork all fused into one. The boost to their self-belief and esteem are quite striking, and who doesn’t want to see their child thinking confidently for themselves, making and rationalising decisions and even calculating the pros and cons of them?

Pretty soon we found ourselves making Orange Poppy Seed Cake, with Miss 7 driving the bus – collecting ingredients, measuring, calculating portions, pouring and stirring (with me adding advice only when asked, and only in a way that made her come up with the answer herself).

The result was a delicious cake that the whole family loved, and which also gave me breathing space for little-lunch snacks for school.

Child-centred play is a positive and rewarding relationship experience for both parents and children, generates a natural warmth and affection, and makes them feel ultra-special. And they kind of are, aren’t they?

Bren x