Are they exhausted, getting sick, falling apart, over it! It’s such a tough time of year.

Last week my daughter woke up, practically slept walk out of her room with big bags under her eyes and for the first time ever asked if she could have a day off school.

She told me later that day that she was surprised that I agreed to her taking a “wellbeing day” but I explained that I could see that she desperately needed that day, a day away from addition and subtraction, all the noise and school yard politics…

She stayed home and played the piano, watched her favourite shows, ate her favourite food, read books and lazed about all day. By the time evening rolled around she was herself again, pepped up and ready for her nippers training session.

I had given my daughter permission to relax every fibre of her being and, in doing so, reclaim her fight.

And that’s something I’ve found about self-care, we often need someone else to jump-start it for us.

Giving ourselves permission — to rest, to recharge, to realize self-indulgence isn’t actually self-indulgent at all.

This is a concept I know is especially hard for women.

We ALL need to remember to exhale….we’re all pushed to do too much, we all need a break. Kids and parents alike.

We don’t want our kids to learn from us that they have to work their butts of all the time until they burn out. We want them to tune in to what they really need and grant themselves permission to take a break.

As busy mums though, how do we take time out when we don’t seem to have five minutes to ourselves from sunrise to sunset?

Let me ask you an important question.

Has your busy-ness become the thing that defines you? Has it become a badge of honour?

Our culture has decided that we need to be Wonder Women and so we believe that being busy is what makes us worthy.

We need to SHAKE THIS IDEA OFF!

Because while we remain slaves to our to-do lists and exist in get-it-done mode, we are forgetting to live a meaningful and healthy life meant to be enjoyed.

How do I shake it off though Brenda? Who’s going to get it all done for me?

Well, I suggest you take a good look at your to-do list and make some honest decisions about what’s really non-negotiable and what you can say bye-bye to. Eg: Do you really need to organise those birthday photos into a special album? Or go to that event if no one is going to get hurt by your absence?

And/or..

Find some support in the areas you feel like you could use some help, then decide who you can ask to support you in those areas. Eg: My mum comes over once every fortnight and I never say no to her bringing food for my family which usually lasts a couple days and creates some much needed time and space. Say YES to help!

I’d also love to invite you to join my FREE LIVE WORKSHOP which I host with Naturopath Naomi Judge on what we consider to be the most important topic when it comes to Women’s health and wellbeing – and that’s the importance of self care.

After all, having too little rest is a major contributor to expanding that waistline, IBS, gas, bloating, headaches, depression, heart problems, decreased sex drive ……

WHY YOU NEED TO LEAVE GUILT AT THE DOOR AND EMBRACE SELF-CARE
Learn to love, nourish and respect yourself with these 5 smart habits

In this workshop we explore: 

• Where this guilt comes from and why we feel it (so important to recognise this so you can move on).
• How lack of self-care creates stress and some serious health issues you shouldn’t ignore.
• How you can get clear on a specific, urgent WHY, your sense of purpose, your capacity to fulfil your mission and do what brings you joy.
• The telltale signs of stress (it’s not necessarily what you may think!).
• 5 easy ways to create sustainability and resilience in your life so you don’t become ill and burn out (this is gold!).
• Plus there’s a Q & A with us at the end.

Please share this workshop with your friends, I have a sneaking suspicion they’ll be thanking you later!

Bren x

Grab your FREE copy of my 'CALM YOUR CORTISOL' recipe book to soothe your cortisol and start your journey to high energy, fast metabolism, and feeling like yourself again!

We need to understand that by looking after ourselves we feel more valued and we create a deeper sense of connection to ourselves, our families and the world.  

There are many simple ways we can take a break from the demands of the day and some of my personal favourites are:

• exercising
• committing to at least 15 minutes of quiet time each day,
• asking for help (hard one!)
• catching up with girlfriends frequently

While it may not be an obvious choice, fashion is another one of my favourite and fun methods of self-care! After all, what we wear not only surrounds and protects us, enhances our features and expresses our personality.

I have to admit though, getting dressed for the day can become confusing and burdensome especially when one minute you are at a netball game or on the sidelines of a 50 over cricket game, and the next at a dinner with your girlfriends in a gorgeous Sydney restaurant. The change of season also throws me and I find a closet clean-out clears the decks for the new season and breathes fresh air into my wardrobe, allowing space for some new and necessary pieces.

Cue stylists, Jocaliving, dynamic duo extraordinaire, besties and mums, inspiring women everywhere to put their best foot forward. The time and money saved by hiring a stylist twice a year (summer and winter) is invaluable to me and this is why…

• they help me cull my wardrobe of clothes which no longer serve me (these end up with friends and family or St Vincent de Paul)
• they are experts in optimising and transforming what already exists in my wardrobe by styling endless fresh looks to take me from rugby to rooftop bar
• they make an inventory of items I need to buy which  make dressing easier and allow me to get the most out of my wardrobe
• they save me money on new purchases
• they save me the agony of looking through racks of clothes when I have kids to pick up from school in an hour! 
• they help me feel confident every time I step out the door

Make sure you take a look at Jocaliving’s special offers at the end of this post

Below I document my two sessions with Jocaliving.

Part 1: Culling and Styling with what was already in my wardrobe

I had a specific brief for my wardrobe cull/styling session. I needed to focus on casual but smart winter looks to take me from shopping, to lunch with the girls, and the sidelines of my kids sport. I had dinner with the hubby that night so the last look was for that purpose : )

Here are 10 of my favourite looks from our session. I’ve been wearing these looks TO DEATH!  You will notice Jocaliving rotated and mixed and matched lots of my clothes and accessories, which means with just some simple tweaks, I stay feeling fresh in all my different looks. I also love that I can just go to my photos on my phone for reference if I’m ever feeling stuck to get dressed.

Here’s another comfortable and adaptable look which the girls styled live on Facebook on the day of our session.

Part 2: Filling in the Gaps with a Shopping Styling Session

During our ‘cull and style’ home session, Jocaliving made a list of missing items which I needed to make my wardrobe gel, allowing more flexibility to use more of what was already in there. Things like jewellery, belts, shoes and bags were the crucial missing elements. Plus, some staples which are on the Jocaliving (JL) ‘MUST HAVE’ winter staples list (find out how to get a copy of this cheat sheet below!). I also wanted some dressier looks to take me to events, book launches, or out to lunch and dinner. I am madly in love with all the pieces they found, all on sale I might add, and all I can see myself wearing for years on end.

Here are just a few of the looks they threw together for me.

Look 1: I love this grey knit dress, it can be worn a bit more casual with the boots and cross over bag for lunch, or dressed up with the heel and clutch for night. I’m thinking I might wear this to an evening event I’m attending for my husbands work at the Art Gallery of NSW.

Look 2: Also on their ‘JL MUST HAVES’ is this  long vest and waxy black jeans. I just popped on a warm knit with cut out shoulders underneath (you can see the jumper better in Look 6) and voila, ready for lunch with the girls, or a cook book launch or event.

Look 3: “JL MUST HAVE” winter knit with gold necklace (which is actually a belt- love the versatility!) and nude heels. I’ll wear this one with a long sleeve underneath, it’s great that I can wear it both ways. I’ll throw my black cape over this one and off to dinner I’ll go!

Look 4: I love this look and I’m planning on wearing it to a food product evening event in the city next week. Notice the necklace, leather jacket from my casual looks and waxy black jeans make an appearance again.

Look 5: Crisp white and neutrals are lovely in winter, teamed with my leather jacket for warmth, I’d take this one out to breakfast with the flats (can’t stop wearing them!), or lunch with the heels. Love my new ‘JL MUST HAVE’ crossover bag and white jeans.

Look 6: “JC MUST HAVE’ black knit dress with earrings, rope belt, bag and heels, throw on my charcoal or black cape and I’m ready for dinner with my man!

Look 7: A repeat of the white jeans and cross over bag, teamed with new top and denim jacket. Can be made casual or dressy depending on bag and shoe. Must say, this is probably better for early Winter, or warmer Winter’s day, or the cusp of Winter and Spring.

Look 8: I’m dressing up again with “JC MUST HAVE’ knitted jumper (I love a cut out), teamed with a skirt we found at a bargain price.  I’ll throw a cape or coat over my shoulders again before heading out for the night.

So, whaddya think?

Now for the exciting special offers!!! Yes, you can have both!

Special Offer #1:

In the comments below, let me know your favourite look from Part 2, and head over to Jocaliving and like their instagram page, to receive a FREE copy of the Jocaliving ‘MUST HAVE WINTER STAPLES’ cheat-sheet which they created especially and exclusively for followers and fans of this page.

Special Offer #2:

Jo and Carolyne from Jocaliving have kindly offered the first 5 women who email me, a personal home and cull styling session OR shopping styling session for 25% off the full price! They are already worth their weight in gold at $400 for a day, but $300 is just ridiculous to have these gals come in and sort you out and make dressing for each day a breeze! You can email me at brenda@brendajanschek.com

NB: This offer is only for those who are Sydney based and live a maximum of 20 kms from the CBD.

Good luck!

Bren x

And luckily I’m one of them!

Last week I had the pleasure of attending the 10th annual ‘Happiness & Its Causes’ conference which saw the world’s brightest minds in psychology, science, education, business, religion and the arts come together to educate and inspire thousands of people at Sydney’s beautiful Luna Park. I also had the good fortune to hear the Dalai Lama speak those inspiring words above and so many more.

On reflection, His Holiness took me back to when I was 18yrs old and and had decided that my life’s course would see me striving for love, connection, compassion, empathy, purpose and happiness. Without doubt, this path has been circuitous, and continues to experience curve balls, but his words reignited my trust and belief in human nature and what we can collectively achieve. And just maybe that means happiness too!

Charlie Scudamore, principal at Geelong Grammar is another exemplary human who is fighting for happiness. He has introduced Positive Psychology to his school and is passionate about finding what he and other teachers can do to improve the lives of children.

Mr Scudamore says.

“We would like to make the world a more peaceful and kinder place,”

In our affluent nation, there are so many young people with eating disorders, depression, anxiety, stress.

However, there are many schools around the world who are beginning to embed positive psychology in their curriculum. “We teach it as a subject, alongside mathematics and history,” he says. Thinking back, I reckon I could have used one of his positivity classes after a double period of maths!

He believes, and I agree, that education has been hijacked by too much assessment. He states that while it’s good to have academic success, the ‘developed countries’ have lost their way by focusing too much on outcomes and less on positive well being. Mr Scudamore’s focus is on creating  positive communities through our schools, classrooms, families and organisations by focusing on wellbeing. Specifically, he believes these 5 things can help shape positive communities:

• Trust
• Compassion
• Integrity
• Forgiveness
• And above all else, HOPE

He believes that if our children leave school with a developed sense of co-operation, kindness, and doing good things for other people, the world just may end up being a better place.

Both speakers believe that modern education has a strong orientation towards materialism and that we  need to question whether this will result in positive human beings and bring happiness to people.

“A materialistic life is no guarantee for inner peace or inner happiness, yet inner peace is the ultimate source of a happy life”

And one of my biggest a-ha! moments occurred with the realisation that self-care and self-worth wasn’t some new-age indulgence at all. It makes a whole lot more sense to regard taking care of oneself as something we owe to ourselves, to society and our communities.

“Micro moments of connection are not just about our own health, but also about the other person we are connecting with…..Working on yourself is not hedonistic, rather self-improvement will ripple out affects to the next person and then the community”

So it seems the secret to happiness for us and our children doesn’t lie in the latest iPad or Netflix (as fun as they can undoubtedly be), but rather lies in being loving and compassionate human beings, connectedness, self improvement, service to society, mindfulness and love.

Bren x