Do you feel like BURNT TOAST!?

Do you always say YES?!

As women we are socialised to feel responsible for the feelings and well-being of those around us, pushing our own well-being and needs aside.

We’ve been brought up to be people pleasers and avoid conflict.

Remember your teachers who commend you for getting along with everyone in class?

Your own parents who smother you with love when you say yes to everything they’ve suggested?

From childhood we’re taught not to defy authority so ‘yes’ becomes engrained in us.

We want to please others so that we fit in, are well-considered and liked by our peers.

We say YES because …

We want to get along.

We want to be nice.

We don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings.

We worry that saying no will break our bonds.

We don’t want to feel disapproved of.

We don’t want to be rejected.

But saying all that YES is to our own detriment and can lead to our physical and emotional needs not being met, ultimately leading to resentment, stress and burnout.

PAY YOURSELF FIRST

For most of us it is very easy to say “yes”.

But for many of us, it’s just not so easy to say “no”.

Take it from me, saying no takes training, practice and time.

Practice saying no.

By taking pause and checking in with yourself and whether what you really want to say is ‘no’.

By listening to cues that it’s time to ease off (before you collapse like a house of cards).

Or if ‘no’ is too confronting what about “not right now”?

Or, “can I think about it and get back to you?”.

Feel the fear but make the change anyway.

At first you might feel like crap for saying no.

Eventually you will feel proud… and healthier because ‘no’ is the first step in saying ‘yes’ to you.

Remember, there will be plenty more opportunities to say yes!

PAY YOURSELF FIRST

If you’ve been saying YES too often, you might find your stress hormone, cortisol, is riding high!

This can become dangerous and lead to health issues like weight gain, sleep disorders, acne, sleep disorders and impaired immune system. 

Learn to Calm Your Cortisol by saying NO and by feeding your body these cortisol soothing recipes in my FREE CALM YOUR CORTISOL ebook  >>>>>>>>

Bren x

Grab your FREE copy of my 'CALM YOUR CORTISOL' recipe book to soothe your cortisol and start your journey to high energy, fast metabolism, and feeling like yourself again!

One minute I’m feeling happy, content, in flow, grateful and full of love, then something can happen and I feel fearful, anxious and totally STRESSED OUT!

Only yesterday, along with my partner Naturopath Naomi Judge, we were recording a webinar for the members of our Break Through! program, about the incredibly important area of stress.

We acknowledged stress is an unavoidable part of life and often out of our control. What we do have control over however, is reducing the amount of stress we experience and mitigating the harmful effects of the stress we just aren’t able to avoid.

Back to my last two days for a moment.

Well, let’s just say they’ve been ROUGH on a personal level!! And the stress of it all affected me on a physiological and psychological level. How do I know? Well I tuned into my mind and body and these were the things I noticed going on…

My muscles around my neck and shoulders were tight
I had headaches 
My tummy felt off
I was feeling exhausted
I was snappy
My breathing was shallow
My mind was catastrophising
Insomnia paid a visit
And I was just generally out of sorts

That’s a lot of symptoms right there!

It’s so easy to get stuck in our stressful situations and not allow ourselves to move on. Often we just don’t know how to move on. 

Our society doesn’t value self-care, so often we don’t have the tools to know how to deal with stress.

I didn’t allow myself to linger in my stressful place for too long as I would have once upon a time.

Awareness, consciousness and acknowledgment were the first steps in dealing with my stressful situation.

What did I do to ease my stress?  These small things helped me enormously…

Reached out to my husband for support
Called my brother for advice
Spoke to my mum for empathy
Observed my negative self-talk and gently changed it to positive self-talk
I took a nap (normally unheard of but I listened to my body and whilst napping my beautiful daughter took it upon herself to wash all the dishes in the sink. She sensed I needed some support)
Deep breaths
I may or may not have had a vodka on the rocks
I stayed in the moment rather than let my mind runaway with all the catastrophes it could think of
I went out for my morning walk and instantly felt my troubles wash away…here’s a pic…

Truth is, stress is wreaking havoc on our health in so many ways. It’s becoming chronic and prolonged and no amount of nutrient-dense food or supplements can save us.

It affects so many systems of our body, including our gut, it puts us at risk of various health and modern degenerative conditions like heart disease, diabetes, hypothyroidism and autoimmunity. It affects our physical body, our emotions and our psychology.  

Everything that happens to us has the potential to be a stressor. But we have control over this in the form of choice. We can reduce stress’s harmful affects by changing our attitude, improving our daily self-care routines and being mindful to avoid unnecessary stress.

Those stress management skills we acquire and implement, we need to start teaching them to our kids so that they will have healthy coping strategies to help them survive the rollercoaster of life. This will allow them to deal with stress in healthy ways and positively manage the inevitable stress that will turn up in their lives.

Bren x

There are many potential reasons why weight plateaus or health suffers and Naturopath Naomi Judge and I totally understand the frustration. We’ve been there. And in our private work we see many women just like you who have “done everything right” but are not getting the results they are after. Don’t give up! Keep going! We’re here to help you.

In this video we share some insights which have helped hundreds of women break through their barriers to a body they love.

Bren x

And luckily I’m one of them!

Last week I had the pleasure of attending the 10th annual ‘Happiness & Its Causes’ conference which saw the world’s brightest minds in psychology, science, education, business, religion and the arts come together to educate and inspire thousands of people at Sydney’s beautiful Luna Park. I also had the good fortune to hear the Dalai Lama speak those inspiring words above and so many more.

On reflection, His Holiness took me back to when I was 18yrs old and and had decided that my life’s course would see me striving for love, connection, compassion, empathy, purpose and happiness. Without doubt, this path has been circuitous, and continues to experience curve balls, but his words reignited my trust and belief in human nature and what we can collectively achieve. And just maybe that means happiness too!

Charlie Scudamore, principal at Geelong Grammar is another exemplary human who is fighting for happiness. He has introduced Positive Psychology to his school and is passionate about finding what he and other teachers can do to improve the lives of children.

Mr Scudamore says.

“We would like to make the world a more peaceful and kinder place,”

In our affluent nation, there are so many young people with eating disorders, depression, anxiety, stress.

However, there are many schools around the world who are beginning to embed positive psychology in their curriculum. “We teach it as a subject, alongside mathematics and history,” he says. Thinking back, I reckon I could have used one of his positivity classes after a double period of maths!

He believes, and I agree, that education has been hijacked by too much assessment. He states that while it’s good to have academic success, the ‘developed countries’ have lost their way by focusing too much on outcomes and less on positive well being. Mr Scudamore’s focus is on creating  positive communities through our schools, classrooms, families and organisations by focusing on wellbeing. Specifically, he believes these 5 things can help shape positive communities:

• Trust
• Compassion
• Integrity
• Forgiveness
• And above all else, HOPE

He believes that if our children leave school with a developed sense of co-operation, kindness, and doing good things for other people, the world just may end up being a better place.

Both speakers believe that modern education has a strong orientation towards materialism and that we  need to question whether this will result in positive human beings and bring happiness to people.

“A materialistic life is no guarantee for inner peace or inner happiness, yet inner peace is the ultimate source of a happy life”

And one of my biggest a-ha! moments occurred with the realisation that self-care and self-worth wasn’t some new-age indulgence at all. It makes a whole lot more sense to regard taking care of oneself as something we owe to ourselves, to society and our communities.

“Micro moments of connection are not just about our own health, but also about the other person we are connecting with…..Working on yourself is not hedonistic, rather self-improvement will ripple out affects to the next person and then the community”

So it seems the secret to happiness for us and our children doesn’t lie in the latest iPad or Netflix (as fun as they can undoubtedly be), but rather lies in being loving and compassionate human beings, connectedness, self improvement, service to society, mindfulness and love.

Bren x

Resistant or stubborn weight is such an emotional and frustrating subject for many, due to the fact that women have been trying to lose the extra 5-10 kilos for years and are failing miserably. When something is not working, then it is time to try a different approach. If your body is in perfect hormonal harmony, thyroid, adrenals and all systems balance. You should be able to have 2 to 3 healthy meals a day, exercise moderately, and feel fantastic in a body you love.

The gist to losing that resistant weight is to stop, slow down, and listen to your body. Create the perfect environment inside and outside your body to enable it to be where it wants to be. Our bodies have the innate power to heal. Give your body and mind the tools they need, and you will get your desired outcome.

Break Through! To Feeling Fantastic in a Body You Love is a formulated program developed  by myself and Health and Lifestyle Coach , Brenda Janschek.

This e-course is aimed at helping you Break Through! your weight and health barriers. We hope to see you there.

It is a commonly held belief that our bodies and minds are two very separate entities, functioning independently of each other. This is unfortunate, as well as being counterproductive to good, holistic health because it could not be further from the truth. In reality, our bodies and our minds are closely linked and are very much co-dependent.

As an experienced clinical psychologist, I have spent many years helping people manage any mental health issues they may face. I have always emphasised to my clients that a healthy mind cannot be achieved without a healthy body, but it wasn’t until I began my own journey into truly healthy eating that I realised just how important it was. It was at this point I realised that purely addressing mental health issues is a limiting exercise.

By way of example, bring to mind an event from your life that has a strong emotion attached to it – it could be anxiety, sadness, joy, anger – now hold that image in your mind and tune into the sensations within your body. Now notice where that emotion exists in your body and how it feels.

Emotions do not exist only in our minds, they live in our bodies. Anxiety, depression, anger, trauma, they all reside in our bodies and it is usually the sensations within our body that are the most distressing parts of these experiences. Think of common phrases we use to describe emotional experiences – ‘gut wrenching’, ‘broken hearted’, ‘like a weight being lifted off my shoulders’ – they all describe sensations within our bodies.

When we aim for overall wellbeing, we need to consider both physical and mental health. You can’t have one without the other. If we are trying to manage and heal mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, even bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, we will be most successful if we combine some form of therapy (always with someone registered, qualified and suited to your individual needs) with a diet that ensures our bodies are well nourished and functioning optimally (and yes, therapy may include medication).

Poor nutrition and consuming additive-laden processed ‘foods’ (though some barely warrant that description) add an extra burden to our bodies that are already struggling to cope with the issues that we are dealing with. These food choices can contribute to lethargy, insomnia, anxiety, mood problems, headaches and hyperactivity, to name just a few. In short, building from a shaky base is counter-productive, and unlikely to produce best results.

When we choose unprocessed wholefoods, good quality fruit, vegetables, proteins and healthy fats (coconut oil, olive oil, avocado etc) our bodies and brains are comprehensively nourished. It’s no surprise, then, that they function better, which improves our sleep, our immune system, our energy levels, and ability to cope more readily with anger, anxiety or stress.

We can be proactive with our own mental health by controlling what we put into our bodies and noticing how it makes us feel (energetic, focused, anxious, lethargic). We can certainly observe the behavioural changes in our children based on what they have eaten, while recognising that their formative years are crucial to their future physical and mental well being. We need to make sure they are equipped with the solid foundations of health that give them the best opportunity at a long and enjoyable life.

Irrespective of our past diets, upbringing and experiences, we need to recognise there is a lot we can be doing immediately to ensure that our minds and bodies, and those of our children, are working as nature intended – cohesively rather than combatively.

 Monique Phipps is a Clinical Psychologist with 13 years experience and a mum of 3 young children. Her family eat an additive free, wholefood diet.

You can connect with her on her Facebook Page and blog.

Guest blog from Jessica Donovan, The Energetic Mama

I am sure all you women out there will agree that the effects of your hormones can be pretty darn powerful! They can cause havoc to our physical, mental and emotional health! Our hormones can make us tired, moody, teary and angry. They can make us gain weight, become bloated and develop depression. We can become ravenous, crave sugar, and suffer with headaches and anxiety when we are ‘hormonal’

On the other hand our hormones are what make us women. They give us our curves, give us our womanly energy and sex drive. They allow us to become mothers and are responsible for our nurturing nature.

The key to living happily with our hormones is Balance! But in this fast paced, toxin loaded world how on earth do we achieve such balance?

Many hormone imbalances are associated with a situation of ‘oestrogen dominance’ or too much oestrogen in relation to progesterone. This can mean your oestrogen levels are too high, your progesterone levels are too low, or both.

Sugars, refined grains, environmental oestrogens (found in plastics, pesticides, toiletries and cosmetics) and poor liver health can all contribute to an imbalance in the ratio of oestrogen to progesterone.

Blood sugar balance

If you have a hormonal imbalance it is especially important to avoid sugar and refined carbohydrates. Base your diet on lots of fresh vegetables and salads with clean protein such as eggs, fish and nuts and pasture raised meats.

Environmental Oestrogens

There are a number of chemicals in our environment that act as hormones when absorbed into our bodies, known as xeno- oestrogens. We are exposed to these chemicals in the form of pesticides on the food we consume, soft plastics used in food packaging and many cosmetic products. To avoid exposure to these chemicals

• Eat organic produce where possible
• Minimise the use of plastic wrapping on your food
• Invest in a stainless steel drink bottle.
• Use naturally based cosmetics, being especially careful to avoid parabens.

Liver detoxification

The liver has an important role to play in hormone metabolism, so it follows that keeping the liver happy improves hormone levels. Look after your liver by

• Limiting alcohol and caffeine which put extra stress on the liver, leaving it less energetic to deal with hormone balance.
• Consuming cruciferous vegetables including cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli and brussel sprouts which contain a constituent that helps to improve the metabolism of oestrogen in the liver.
• Drink Fresh lemon squeezed in water, especially first thing in the morning, which aids liver function.

Maintain a healthy weight

Oestrogen is responsible for depositing fat around your abdomen, hips and breasts, giving you your womanly shape but carrying extra weight increases your oestrogen levels, which leads to even more weight gain. To break this cycle eat well and move every day to help you reach and maintain a healthy weight.

Jessica Donovan is not your typical naturopath. She is a foodie, enjoys a glass of wine and loves dark chocolate.

She doesn’t believe you have to be perfect to be healthy. She believes having GREAT health is achievable for everyone.

She has over 13 years clinical experience as a naturopath and was inspired to create a program for mums after seeing so many mums in her clinic that were tired and overwhelmed and suffering with hormonal imbalances, digestive discomfort and stress symptoms.

Energetic Mama is a 3 step program Nourish – Balance – Rejuvenate to help mums feel their best. You can find out more here http://energeticmama.com/

Find her on facebook  https://www.facebook.com/EnergeticMama

Buy Jessica’s new ebook, Energetic Mama here

By responding to a personal challenge with an open heart, she’s managed to build a business that helps not only her own family, but many others as well.

Tell us a little about yourself.

I’m very blessed to be married to my best friend for the last 13 years, we are parents to two very spunky and lively little ones ( a boy and girl) who came to our family through intercountry adoption.

I am also the owner of an online children’s lifestyle store called Lime Tree Kids www.limetreekids.com.au  which keeps me busy! My son has some needs that require him to be gluten, dairy and “numbers” free .

This is a huge part of our lifestyle now, sourcing great food for us all to eat that doesn’t affect his behaviour or health!  I’m also an avid believer in play and that all great things start with fun! Bonding, learning, growing in all areas are so much easier when it’s in a relaxed manner.

Why did you create Lime Tree Kids?

Basically I started Lime tree kids as a way of bringing all of the products I had searched and located for using with my son and his play therapy. When he first came to us he had some attachment issues and needed help learning to trust and bond with us as his main caregivers (parents).

We did this by spending hours of time playing with him every day and developing a relationship through fun and eventually laughter! He learnt to trust us as we developed a relationship through play and meeting his needs continuously.

When I was searching for toys and items to play with it was so hard to find toys that were wooden and long lasting rather then plastic and flimsy. I found that things like sleeping bags and baby carriers and anything else I needed like sandwich cutters to help make eating fun etc where spread all over the internet and that no one store had everything I needed .

So I decided to start a “hobby” out of my bedroom and opened an online store that sold most of these products. It pretty quickly grew into what it is today. We just turned 2 and  have just moved into our first office warehouse facility , have over 250 brands and 1500 products lines. I’ve bought on board my brother as a business partner and he looks after the warehouse and packing of orders , my niece is in charge of Customer Service / Admin and we have another lady , Louise as well helping out doing accounts .

Why is play important for kids?  

I believe that children learn through play and it’s all they need for that stage in their time.  Play is like children’s work, they learn skills like interacting, sharing , communication , how far their boundaries can go , that they are safe or unsafe , encourages fine and gross motor skills which in turn help them with every day skills we use as adults every day.

There are so many reasons why just playing is important. Its impossible to list them all!  I remember being shocked when I learnt that the reasons that things like chalk boards and children using them and painting and  drawing on a board using up and down strokes, actually taught them to use the strokes that they use when learning to draw and write .. things like that amaze me !

What does healthy eating mean for you & your family?

Healthy eating to me and my family generally revolves around my sons dietary needs. We have managed to keep him off behaviour medication and turned around his ASD diagnosis by tweaking his diet.

We eat organic when we can, fresh vegetables and meat. We don’t eat anything with preservatives or additives if we can help it. I’ve learnt to cook a lot better and search the internet for resources ! If there are skin issues we address what food he has been eating and try adding or deleting that food.  It’s a constantly evolving thing as I wasn’t raised thinking of food as a source of nutrition and goodness.  I’m also a terrible cook so those skills are being tested as well !!

What are 5 of your kitchen pantry essentials?

Coconut Oil

Almonds (for flour or cooking)

Coconut milk

Rice pasta

Rice cakes for snacks

What do you indulge in?

Coffee – I’m trying to give it up at the moment but I just LOVE coffee !!

What are some of the things you value most in life?

Some of the things I value most in life are my husband and our marriage and relationship. My children and their needs, my good friends who are always ready to hear my crazy stories! My family, and creating memories with them as well as my friends. And SLEEP !!!

What is your favourite quote?

Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid !  – Albert Einstein.

Do you find time to nurture yourself? What does this involve?

I am very, very bad at this. My idea of nurturing myself at the moment is to take a bath, to go to bed early with my son (whom I lie down with each night and listen to sleep music) . I am about to start Yoga though so I can take some time out from everything !

What do you and your kids like to do on the weekend?

We lead a very busy life, so generally on the weekend, we will hang out around the house and just chill out, staying in our pj’s and slothing around. We will also go to the market and get some fruit and vegetables and do grocery shopping (woot woot!) . Every second weekend we catch up with extended family and have lunch and a play together.

Would you like to share one of your favourite healthy recipes?

One of our favourite family recipes is from Quirky Cooking Jo’s blog. http://quirkycooking.blogspot.com.au/2009/08/thermomix-fried-rice.html

I hope you enjoyed getting to know Shelley as much as I have.

You can connect with Shelley here:

www.limetreekids.com.au

www.facebook.com/limetreekids

www.pinterest.com/limetreekids